Q&A WITH MEGAN ANDELLOUX
Posted by Chloe Pearce On 30 September 2010 at 15:46
This week we caught up with certified sexuality educator and ACS board certified Sexologist, Megan Andelloux to ask her probing questions on love, life and the prostate...
1. Hey Megan, you look like a rather wholesome lady, what prompted you to become a Sexologist?
Chuckle…this question makes me laugh. Aren’t we all wholesome?!
During college, I found I had a knack for memorizing sexual facts. Every night at supper, I would amaze and intrigue friends at the table with my “fact of the day”. I loved spreading factual knowledge, piquing my friends’ interests, and confronting the taboo topic (sex) all at once. As it was coming from a lady who was raised with manners and properness, it became even more titillating. I reveled in the fact that I was talking about something everyone wanted to know about, but few seemed to have the courage to do.
Becoming a sexologist was not a career choice I had ever heard of a woman taking on and so along with providing education and reducing fear and shame, it was a way for me to challenge the gender roles I was expected to engage in.
My mother always called me a “Contrarian”, saying “When someone says don’t, you do.” Sex is such biological drive, a natural function and an endless source of curiosity, yet so much shame surrounds it for many folks. Talking about sexuality openly is a way for me to model that there is power talking openly and honestly and it can be done with class and yes, even for the prim and proper like me.
2. Where are you based? Do you have any plans to come to the UK?
I am based out of the US in New England - Rhode Island to be exact. There, I run a sexuality resource center called The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health, in addition to travelling across the states to provide sex education to students, professionals, medical schools and sex toys shops.This year I am releasing a new sex education project, The Study Sex Tour, which will be taking in the States. I plan on bringing The Study Sex Tour to the UK next year!
3. What are the most common issues you come across during your workshops and counselling?
The most common question I come across is concern or fear, which is what causes me to continue working in the field of sexuality education. Due to the lack of information received regarding sexuality, bodily reactions, fantasies and desires, many people think they aren’t normal or something is wrong, when in fact, their bodies and minds are usually operating on a healthy level. It’s heartbreaking to hear people discuss the shame, the embarrassment and the concern they hold within themselves due to the lack of frank, honest, medically accurate information.
I work everyday to dispel fears, myths and trust, appreciation of the body and excitement for consensual sexual play. Sex is healthy! Sex is fun! Sex should be rejoiced!
4. As you know, we are all about the male G-Spot here at Nexus. Whilst everyone is very much aware of the female G-spot, the male equivalent is shrouded in mystery and taboo. Would you mind explaining to our dear readers what it’s all about?
I’m a huge advocate for discovering the Prostate! Prostates should be loved, because often the few times we hear about it is because of cancer. They offer so much more than just bad feelings. In fact, stimulating the prostate is very healthy and enjoyable!
5. What can men do to enjoy this little gland?
If a male chooses to explore his prostate, there are a number of ways that he can stimulate it. Fingers (fun, free and always accessible!) can fit in tight spots and be a way to build intimacy between partners. Using the finger in a “ringing the doorbell” motion works beautifully, just remember to go slow! Don’t “ring the doorbell” like you’re anxious to use the bathroom, but maybe in a way that is tentative, build the excitement, make him want it, crave your touch.
Toys can also be used, look for items that are curved, as the prostate gland is located towards the front of the tummy, so all toys should have a curvature design to them. Some men prefer the toy to gently rest on the prostate, some prefer it to wiggle around a bit on the prostate and others prefer a vibration to be part of their prostate stimulation.
When stimulating the prostate gland, remember to always use good lube, to go slow, and to make sure the toy has a flared base, also known as a flange, on it.
6. If you enjoy prostate stimulation, does that make you gay?
No. As fantastic and fabulous as it is, it’s not so powerful that a mere touch can poof! Turn you into a gay man. Let’s thank nature for that diversity.
But, snarkiness aside, behaviour doesn’t make someone gay, whom you love makes some you gay or straight or bi or queer, however you want to identify. Gay and straight is about feelings of another person, not what goes inside your butt.
If you still have a feeling that I’m wrong, that putting something up the butt can inch you closer to Dorothy land, oral sex would be the edger. More gay males engage in oral sex than any other behaviour, not putting something up your tushy. I know, we all know, lots of straight men that love oral sex so we know that behaviour doesn’t determine whom you find hot.
7. Is there a difference between a prostate orgasm and a penile orgasm?
Men who explore their prostate gland by themselves or with a loved one often discuss experiencing full body orgasms (which can be referred to as a prostate orgasm), which is a different sensation than genitally focused orgasms (also known as a penile orgasm), what is what most men experience. Genitally focused orgasms cause bodily sensations to be focused in the genital area and are a result of external stimulation. When different nerves are ahem touched upon, it produces orgasmic sensations throughout the entire body, because of the different nerve receptors.
If a man is looking to experience a full body orgasm, which are generally much more intense and longer lasting, stimulating the prostate is the easiest way to do this. Be it through fingers or toys, as long as it’s desired, safe and consensual, it can be a power move in developing better sex skills!
8. Are there any health benefits to prostate stimulation?
Yes indeedy! There was a study conducted reported by the American Journal of Sexual Medicine that found stimulation of the prostate gland 21 or more times a month offered some protection from prostate cancer. Stimulation to the prostate gland could be a result of direct stimulation through the use of a toy, finger or even an ejaculation. See? Sexual stimulation IS healthy for the body!
9. Are there any dangers?
The rectum does carry in it some pretty hardy bacteria that can cause infections if shared so it’s important to use toys that are non-porous, that can be sterilized to prevent sharing bacteria you don’t want to.
The rectal tissue is more delicate too, (it isn’t called a rosebud for nothing!) so be sure to use lots of high quality lube to prevent tearing or ripping. DO NOT USE desensitizing creams or gels as they just mask the body’s receptors to pain, which is the body’s way of saying something is going wrong. Pain is a useful tool; if you experience pain, stop. Breathe. Wiggle around a little bit, try to change position. Add more lube. If you still experience pain, take to object out, relax, check to make sure that the bum is ok, have an orgasm (orgasms do amazing things for the body and relaxing it is one of those things). Then try it again and see how it feels.
Finally, remember that while the rectum is an amazing orifice and is because of that, it’s powerful enough to suck something into it. Unfortunately, and commonly, the unintentional object can get stuck until you go to the doctor to have it physically removed. So USE A FLANGED prostate stimulator. Something that has a base much larger and wider than the object that is going into the butt.
A recent study found of people who had sex toy disasters involving the rectum, most people waited 2-3 days before going to the doctor to have the item removed. That’s unfortunate and uncomfortable to say the least. So, know this, every doctor has seen it and at the very least heard of it. If something gets lodged in your bottom, don’t wait, just calmly get yourself to the Emergency room sooner rather than later and tell the doctor the truth. They actually don’t laugh at you, it’s their job to make you feel better and keep you safe!
So remember folks, every year, thousands of individuals make bad anal choices, so be sure before you play; you have the right equipment for what you are doing. Flanges are our friends!
10. Finally, do you have any wise words for our prostate loving readers?
Yes, have fun! Go at a pace that feels comfortable. It may take 6 minutes to reach your prostate or 6 months. Everyone experiences sensations differently so go at a pace that feels enjoyable, relaxing yet exciting for you. Cause really, no one knows a liar better than your anus!
Use lots of good lube, buy toys that are non-porous so in case you share, you won’t transmit possible infections or diseases to your friend, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth (it relaxes the body) and finally, and here’s the best piece of advice, BACK UP ONTO THE TOY if it is being inserted. That way you can control the depth, the speed and the amount of time needed for you to properly relish each and every delicious move you experience. If someone pops something into the body and you are a little nervous, you’re constantly waiting for when it’s going to go in, which can cause the rectal sphincter muscles (the asshole) the clench down, making penetration painful and potentially dangerous. Backing up gives the power to the person being penetrated.
Many thanks to the lovely Megan for her wise words, you can find out more about what she does by visiting www.ohmegan.com.