Nexus recently had the infinite pleasure of meeting expert Sex Coach Tiffany Jones, M.A. Based in Denver, Colorado, Tiffany is a registered psychotherapist who has coached and educated hundreds of people regarding their sexuality fulfilment, sexual identity and sexual experiences. Here you can read her wise words in answer to some of our most commonly asked questions relating to all things prostate!Q. What are the most common issues you come across during your workshops and counselling? A.
Communicating sexual interests and desires is often a struggle. Many people think you can only explore new sexual practices with a new partner. When an individual brings up new interests with a long term sexual partner, it is common for the long term partner to feel jealous, insecure and inadequate. However, when we learn how to open the lines of communication with our long term partner, we can begin to explore new territory which heightens our sexual experiences and increases our sexual satisfaction.Q. One of the biggest attitudes we encounter amongst heterosexual men is that enjoying anal play makes them gay – what would you say to this?A.
Enjoying anal play has nothing to do with sexual orientation. Sexual orientation explains who we are ‘orientated’ to in terms of sexual attraction. Anal play has nothing to do with this notion. Men who are willing to explore a variety of sexual sensations report higher sexual fulfilment and satisfaction. This should not be a surprise. The body is filled with erogenous zones. These zones are found from head to toe. Lucky for both men and women, the anal region, including the perineum, the anus, and the rectum, is filled with nerve endings. If we bypass these zones simply because we erroneously believe that anal play correlates to sexual orientation, we are missing out on mind blowing orgasms and increased sexual satisfaction. Not to mention, the only way to stimulate the prostate (or male G-spot) is through the rectum.Q. Is there a difference between a prostate orgasm and a penile orgasm?A.
There is a difference in terms of the foci of stimulation preceding the orgasm. In the prostate orgasm, it is prostate stimulation that leads to orgasm, where in a penile orgasm it is the penis that is stimulated to induce orgasm. It may help to think of this differentiation by thinking of female orgasms. There has been debate and discussion regarding the female orgasm as being either a G-spot orgasm or a clitoral orgasm. Regardless of the area of stimulation, an orgasm is an orgasm. There is no higher level of orgasm (regardless of what Freud has said). Any way we reach orgasm, is good! An orgasm is accompanied by physical, neurological, and emotional changes in our bodies. The orgasm is the peak of the sexual response cycle but it need not be the sole purpose of play. Sexual arousal, foreplay, intimacy or just stress reduction are all benefits gained from the orgasmic experience.Q. What is ‘milking’ the prostate?A.
The prostate’s main function is to create fluid for semen. Milking the prostate is done through stimulation and massage. Milking the prostate is another way to describe prostate massage. Milking and/or prostate massage has numerous health benefits. It increases blood flow, removes toxins and bacteria, increases testosterone, increases sexual pleasure, induces larger erections, and helps prostate related conditions.Q. Are there any health benefits to prostate stimulation?A.
If it feels good, it is good. This is definitely true for prostate massage. The health benefits associated with prostate stimulation are vast. Besides the sexual benefits that accompany prostate massage, such as lengthening and intensifying an erection, prostate massage increases blood flow to the genital region, heightens arousal, promotes prostate health, and strengthens the pelvic floor. To sum it up, prostate play is good for you. If you can keep your erection longer and harder while benefiting prostate health why not do it? Just like Kegel exercises are good for men; prostate massage has great health and sexual benefits.Q. Does it hurt? What does prostate massage feel like and how do I know it is working? A.
I recommend utilizing the 3 S’s= slow, small and slippery to begin with. Prostate massage and/or anal play should not, and need not hurt. It is important to first relax. Do not force anything. Take things at your own pace. The anus is shy. If you are too aggressive, too eager, you will ‘scare it off’. You must be patient, considerate, and tolerate. If you are playing with your lover, you must communicate your likes and dislikes. Now is no time for playing a hero. Speak up, verbalize and articulate what feels good and what doesn’t etc.Q. What does prostate massage feel like and how do I know it is working?A
. Although I don’t have a prostate, I do have a G-spot, so let me put it like this, you are stimulating your prostate when you feel a unique, intense pleasure. Some men describe the sensation as relaxing and calming. You may want to feel your prostate with your hand first to really ‘feel’ the prostate. The prostate is located inside your rectum and up toward your belly button. If a partner was to insert a finger into your rectum and do a ‘come her motion’ with her/his finger, they would likely feel the spongy mass that is the prostate. Prostate massage like female G-spot massage is an intense pleasure. Prostate message can induce orgasm without any penile stimulation but this varies for individuals. Both male and female G-spot orgasms may induce the feeling of having to urinate. For this reason, I recommend emptying your bladder before prostate massage.Q. As you know, we are all about the male G-Spot (or P-Spot) here at Nexus. For those who are new to the delights of prostate massage, can you offer any advice and tips?A
. My advice is to relax, explore and enjoy. Be patient with yourself. If you have never experienced this sensation it may take some getting used to. But practice makes perfect. Don’t be afraid to try different sizes and shapes of toys. Women have enjoyed G-spot orgasms for centuries. Only recently have we turned our attention to men and their G-spot or P-spot. Nexus offers a great line of products that are anatomically designed to stimulate and massage that special spot that not only assist men in reaching mind blowing orgasms but aid in sexual health.About the author
Tiffany Jones, M.A hosts a weekly guest sex therapist/coach on a Denver FM radio show, has provided insight on sex addiction as a guest sex therapist on a Denver TV show and regularly speaks to college students about sexuality and sexual health. She has presented at sex conferences and writes for Examiner.com as a Denver Sex and Relationship Examiner. As a former college instructor, she is passionate about education and utilizes a sex positive approach to human sexuality. She currently facilitates workshops for individuals, couples and small groups that focus on sexual exploration and couples communication.
Tiffany's very informative book 'Our Holiday Sex: From A-Z' is now available to buy on her website www.ourholidaysex.com
You can also book a workshop or a private therapy session through her website www.denversexology.com